3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Randomize
