Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
