pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
