It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
