u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I bet he comes in French.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
