He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Randomize
