We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
