every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
