She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
