ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
