i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
