just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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