Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
