So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
