Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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