My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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