who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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