There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
