so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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