i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
