You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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