she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Randomize
