I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
