Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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