It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
