I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
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