youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
