hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
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