I forgot how hot balto sounded
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
