i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
