i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
