Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
