I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
