I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
These tits shall not be calmed
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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