There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
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