There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
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