the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
