We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
