i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Randomize
