You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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