Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
