I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
it was like eating out sand paper
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Are we still banned from the library?
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
All I want is dick and wine.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
