My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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