I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Randomize
