Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
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