So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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