its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
