i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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