And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
