You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
