well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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